Building Resilience in Children of Divorce
When parents decide that they want to divorce, one of the most difficult aspects of the split revolves around the children. In addition to figuring out custody, visitation, and child support matters, parents have another huge concern: how will a divorce impact the mental, emotional, and physical well-being of the kids?
Building Resilience
There is no way to eliminate all of the pain and stress associated with divorce, but there are certainly things parents can do to help their children deal with the emotions they are feeling. A few ideas include:
- Reassure kids that they are loved. Make sure they understand that your love will never go away, even if you don’t all live together as a family. Do that with words, affection, and demonstrations that they are a priority.
- Prepare kids for changes before they occur. Help them to understand all of the things that will change with the divorce, as well as all of the things that will remain constant. Have regular discussions that address their fears or uncertainties.
- Build a stronger relationship with your kids. Strengthen bonds with conversations, play, and activities that reassure children you are theirs for good. Demonstrate pride, optimism, and appreciation for the time you have together.
- Help kids express their feelings. Empathetic listening and helping children to name their emotions can be very therapeutic and help children to cope with difficulties they encounter.
- Keep conflict with your ex out of sight. It’s not uncommon for divorcing parents to feel angry toward one another, but denigrating your ex or fighting in front of the kids is pure poison for them. Actively seek to protect children from situations that may make them feel like they have to take sides between two parents they love.
- Share parenting responsibilities. Assuming there is no concern of abuse, create and manage a strong co-parenting plan that keeps both parents involved in the challenges and successes, as well as the day-to-day minutiae that make up your children’s lives.
- Encourage a strong relationship with the other parent. You got the divorce, so it’s fine to be spending a lot less time and emotion on your ex. The kids, however, still need both of their parents, and anything you can do to support a healthy, loving relationship benefits them.
- Model and explicitly teach resilience skills. Help kids with problem-solving, gaining confidence, expressing empathy, and seeking help when necessary. You can demonstrate a sense of hope and positivity, and teach children how to deal with disappointment and challenge.
- Work as parents to provide structure and discipline. Even though there may be different homes, trying to develop similar expectations with regard to routines and expectations greatly benefits children.
Your Divorce
Divorce needn’t be a destructive event for children, or for you. The experienced Springfield family attorneys at Courtney & Mills always seek the best possible outcomes for you. To discuss your situation, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.
Source:
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2787717/
