When Tragedy Leads To Divorce
Couples split up for myriad reasons: infidelity, growing apart, incompatibility between the sheets—the motivations to go in different directions are endless. In some cases, both partners take responsibility for the divorce, while in others, there’s one clear and undisputed “bad guy.” The hardest divorces, it seems, involve couples who part ways under duress. Unfortunately, sometimes tragedy is so incomprehensible, so overwhelming, that recovery is impossible, and couples just can’t move forward together.
Facing the Unimaginable
No one is ever prepared for certain events in life. Child fatalities, horrendous accidents—those things happen to other people. When things like this occur, it can rock couples to the core. The trauma associated with extreme worry, loss, and grief can be devastating to any relationship. Instead of clinging together for support and love, sometimes couples find themselves turning on one another when life gets turned upside down.
Your Marriage is Tested
In addition to dealing with personal tragedy, couples find themselves in a battle to maintain their resolve and weave together some sort of sanity in their relationship. The stress of these crisis moments tears at the very fiber of the marriage, as partners experience a loss of hope, energy, and even love in their lives. How can they possibly find the energy to fight for a marriage under such dire circumstances?
Can the Marriage be Saved?
Suffering. Pain. Isolation. All of these may combine to make a marriage seem irretrievable. What can be done to rescue marriages on the brink due to loss? Some suggestions include:
- Giving your spouse the space to experience the loss in their own way. Everyone processes loss differently, and you may not understand the emotions and behaviors you witness. Instead of discounting reactions you don’t understand, allow your spouse to feel and respond in ways that make sense to them. Provide the support that you can throughout the process, without denying your own needs and emotions.
- Understanding that one or both of you may feel the urge to withdraw, resist labeling that withdrawal as a lack of love or caring. Your spouse may simply be too overwhelmed to deal with the situation, and while wallowing in misery can make one feel lonely, it is not necessarily a sign that the love between you has died.
- Making a commitment to get through it together. Tell one another you intend to rely on your history in order to get through the present and into the future.
- Persevering through despair by simply taking one step after another can help you get through days that are daunting. Continue to eat, to sleep, to walk the dog and vacuum the carpet. Keep moving. In time, it’s possible you will find your way back to one another.
When Time Won’t Heal the Wounds
When a tragedy has destroyed your marriage, the Springfield family attorneys at Courtney & Mills can assist in making the split as quick and painless as possible. To discuss your situation, schedule a confidential consultation in our office today.