Adult Children Dealing with Their Parents’ Divorce
Older couples who choose to divorce generally feel entitled to do so without consulting with their children about it. After all, they held the marriage together for many years. Now the kids are adults with lives of their own. How much could their parents’ divorce possibly impact them at this point?
Gray Divorce
Gray divorce is complicated on so many levels. Individuals may feel betrayed, angry, sad, and afraid. A lifetime of patterns and companionship is being turned upside down; who wouldn’t feel confused and adrift? What’s going to happen with living arrangements, insurance, and retirement? Managing one’s own questions and feelings is a task in itself. Having to address the feelings of full-grown adult children may be more than anyone can be expected to be up for. But assuming that because they are adults your children will be just fine could be a huge mistake.
Impacts on Adult Children
It’s entirely possible that your children will be very concerned about you, regardless of their ages. While they were previously dealing with the demands of higher education, careers, or their own young families, now they may have questions about the stability of their parents.
Will one or both parents require:
- More time from the kids;
- A soundboard for emotional travails;
- Financial support;
- A place to stay.
Moreover, how painful will it be for these adult children to manage their own feelings of disappointment, shock, anger, and sadness? Will they be asked to take sides? Will their relationship with one or both parents wind up mangled by blame? This is all worth your consideration going forward.
Help Your Adult Children
Even though you’re feeling overwhelmed with your life, you are still parents. Acknowledging that your choices impact them is the first step in getting through this with minimal damage. So listen to them, try to answer their questions with honesty while sticking to boundaries that are reasonable, and be prepared to help them imagine what holidays and family traditions may look like going forward. While you understandably want to put your own needs first, there’s no reason to shut down concerned children. Most likely their roles will be changing, so sharing your concerns, hopes, and dreams can help them be positive and supportive as the entire family copes with new expectations and realities. What everyone needs right now is hope. You can work on that together.
The Divorce
The experienced Springfield divorce attorneys at Courtney & Mills understand that divorce is complicated on many fronts. We are here to provide solid legal support and guidance throughout the entire process. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.
