We Never Fight But I Want a Divorce
Are you fed up with your spouse primarily because you never argue? While to some that sounds utterly ridiculous, you know that the absence of fighting doesn’t necessarily signal a harmonious union. Instead, that absence of argument could mean something much less healthy is going on. So what is going on? There are several possibilities.
Your Spouse is Not Engaged
It’s not that your marriage is purring along like a well-oiled machine. No, the truth is that your spouse simply is not emotionally available to the point that disengagement is their go-to reaction to anything that happens. They simply cannot be bothered with what they see as the trivia of your life together.
Your Spouse is Afraid of Conflict
From your spouse’s point of view, anything is better than an argument. They politely concede every hilltop rather than take a stand against you. While some people like the idea of always getting their way, you know that it’s a sign of a bigger problem. Your spouse is intimidated by you for whatever reason, so all too often issues are swept under the rug. Ultimately, resentment builds on both sides—but with no chance of a resolution because your spouse is unable or unwilling to confront problems.
The Passion is Dead
Your marriage has become more like an amiable friendship, and that makes your spouse more of a roommate than a spouse or lover. There’s just nothing to argue about because you genuinely like one another—even though it’s a marriage in name only.
What Else is Lost?
So you don’t fight, but there’s a lot more that’s not happening here, right? You’re not dreaming together, sharing your fears, hopes, or aspirations. You actually feel more annoyance—even indifference—than frustration with the situation. And that’s what’s got you worried. Because you know you deserve better.
Conflict Can be Healthy
It’s naive to believe that any two people will always agree on everything! Disagreement is natural and can even signal a healthy and trusting relationship. Some ideas to help couples navigate disagreements include:
- The issue should be under attack, not the person;
- Partners should stick to the immediate issue instead of bring up long past problems;
- One partner should not undervalue an issue that is important to the other;
- Both partners should be clear about what they want and need;
- There should be no name-calling or yelling;
- Avoid absolutes like you never or you always.
Your Advocate in Divorce
The experienced Springfield divorce attorneys at Courtney & Mills are here to ensure that your divorce is as smooth as possible and that you get the settlement you need. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.
