Read This if You’re Feeling Bad About Your Divorce

Divorce can be tough. Many people are burdened with long-term feelings that weigh them down as they strive to move forward following their divorce. It’s nearly impossible to turn over a new leaf when you’re stuck in past battles. So for anyone struggling to pull themselves out of the after-divorce rut, consider giving yourself a break by looking at your situation through a new lens. Here are some ideas that you may not have given full consideration, but that realistically should be on your radar:

• Getting a divorce was not a sign of your failure. Relationships take unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes they end. Don’t let family, friends, or society judge you for that.
• The way you feel is ok. If you’re sad, if you’re angry, if you’re confused—it’s all part of the process. Do you feel like giving up some days? That can be a normal part of being a human being who’s been disappointed. Instead of discounting your feelings or judging yourself, accept the realities of your situation and take real steps to move forward.
• It’s ok to need help. Lean on friends, family, clergy, or therapists.
• Boundaries are necessary and fair. Don’t let your ex trigger or manipulate you. If you find that happening, it’s perfectly permissible to redefine the rules of your interactions.
• Divorces are all unique. Some people may be thrilled to be finished with their marriages, while others are devastated. Whatever your reaction, it’s ok.
• Patience is a virtue. It’s going to take some time to heal and rebuild. You can’t rush it, and you can’t expect it to be a linear process. Incompatible feelings about it are perfectly normal.
• Your kids can be ok. It’s your job to reassure them and be there for them. If your co-parent is working with you to ensure the children’s well-being, great! If not, you can still do a lot to demonstrate your commitment and love to them.
• Learn from the experience. You may have been through the wringer, but here you are on the other side. Grow. Learn. Blossom.
• Create closure for yourself. Your mom, your kids, and your ex can’t do this for you. There’s nothing anyone can say that will make the situation okay. Only you can travel the distance and put a period at the end of the sentence.
• You don’t need to justify self-care. You deserve to be healthy, confident, and happy. Take the steps you need to take to get there—from quiet time to meditation, exercise to rest and good nutrition– care for yourself.
• Your freedom was hard-fought. Enjoy it. Find out what illuminates you—inspires you—gratifies you.
• Life can be fantastic. You’ve closed a chapter, but the rest of the book is still waiting for you to write it. You get to choose the ending!

Advocating for You 

The experienced Springfield family attorneys at Courtney & Mills always fight for the best possible outcomes for you. To discuss your thoughts on divorce, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.