Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be Ugly

If you know anyone who’s been through a difficult divorce, you know that things can get pretty ugly. But that doesn’t have to be the case, and you can do a lot to ensure that your own divorce can actually be guided by compassion rather than bitterness. Some call it “conscious uncoupling” and it may not be easy, but it can be extremely rewarding and worth the effort.

Make the Decision to be Civil 

Avoiding caustic interactions will require a conscious choice to treat one another with civility. You have to commit to being polite and respectful, even though you may be dealing with someone who lied, cheated, neglected or betrayed you. Or maybe they just got bored with you. Why deal with a soon-to-be-ex with graciousness rather than beating them up with your anger and resentment? There can be plenty of reasons — and here are some very good ones:

• You have children who need love and support from both parents;
• You share a social circle that is worth keeping;
• You live in a town where being the topic of gossip is not a goal;
• You don’t want a long, drawn-out process that costs a fortune;
• You want an emotionally healthy outcome for everyone.

Give One Another Space

Both individuals in a divorce will likely experience a range of emotions, and having the time and space to come to grips with them can make interactions much more cordial. While it may be reasonable to feel a need to get revenge, vengeance is not always practical. Coming to terms with emotions, and moving forward with your divorce in a positive manner will require work:

• Take responsibility for your contributions to the downfall of your marriage;
• Accept that feelings have changed, and your path will, as well;
• Plan for happiness going forward.

Clue-in Friends and Family

Your bestie or family members may be ready, willing, and able to run roughshod over your ex, but once everyone in your circle knows your goals related to a civil split, they can turn their energy into supporting you in constructive ways. Rather than spending time together bashing your ex, the focus can be on celebrating the life-lessons you’ve been exposed to and the myriad ways your life will be expanding and growing in the future.

It Can Be Done

There have been plenty of successful stories of civilized divorces, many of them quite public:

• Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr still consider one another family after their divorce, and intend to remain in one another’s lives indefinitely.
• Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson still had friendly dinners together in public following their split.
• Bruce Willis and Demi Moore have raised their three children together and shared a caring, nurturing relationship despite being divorced.

The Divorce You Want

If you are looking for a genial split, there’s no question that you are the captain of the ship. The experienced Springfield divorce attorneys at Courtney & Mills can assist in creating a respectful, productive atmosphere in order to facilitate an amicable split. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.