Are You an Invisible Dad– Unrecognized by the World?

Times are changing, and that is very good news for fathers when it comes to child custody in a divorce. For years, women were presumed to be the “better” parent, and dads felt pretty lucky to see their children every other weekend and maybe one other night a week. But nowadays there are plenty of divorces that spell out shared custody arrangements giving dads equal time with their kids. Joint physical custody is not an outlier anymore. But unfortunately, there is still plenty of bias out there, whether intentional or not, and dads still tend to get the short end of the stick as schools, organizations, and businesses often still fail to recognize the role dads play in their kids’ lives. To these institutions, fathers are simply invisible.

An Increase in Shared Custody

In the two and a half decades from 1985 to 2010, shared custody across America jumped from a meager 13 percent to 35 percent. The state of Missouri, achieves high marks in this area, as fathers are frequently awarded equal time with their children. As of 2021, 20 states in the nation have pursued laws granting 50:50 custody arrangements, and Missouri is one of them. While attaining shared custody is certainly not the hurdle it once was, employers and others often fail to recognize the complexities of modern custody arrangements, which can be a challenge for more than a few single dads out there.

Institutional Bias

Old belief systems casting mothers as nurturers and fathers as providers still hang tough across institutions. Dads find themselves sidelined by schools, medical providers, and more. Field trip permission slips tend to go to Mom’s house, along with phone calls about problems at school medical issues. Parent-teacher conferences often focus on mothers, and dads only get an invite if their exes think to include them. Assumptions that fathers are weekend warriors who attend all the kids’ soccer games and who take them to Disneyland for a couple of weeks each summer continue to marginalize fathers who are fully involved with their children’s lives. And it’s not just a problem on the kids’ end. Adults in dads’ lives are full of misconceptions, as well. Bosses are stunned to see fathers juggling childcare issues with work schedules, colleagues express disbelief at a father’s reluctance to socialize after work, choosing instead to go home to address homework and bath schedules, and strangers still congratulate dads who seem to be managing just fine as “babysitters” despite the fact that those very fathers are out playing in the park with their kids as a natural part of their everyday lives.

Surviving Misplaced Attitudes 

While it’s true that not everyone recognizes that being a dad is a full-time job for you, you know it, and so do your kids. So keep on going forward.  Bang on those closed doors and knock down those barriers by demanding equal footing in every institution you engage. It won’t happen overnight, but you’ll manage just fine.

The Custody Arrangement You Deserve 

If you’re interested in divorce but are afraid of being estranged from your children, the experienced Springfield divorce attorneys at Courtney & Mills can help. The law is on your side, and we will fight for the custody arrangements that suit you. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.

Source:

theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/12/child-joint-custody-us-public-policy/676276/