When In-Laws Drive You to Divorce

We’ve all heard the jokes about horrible mothers-in-law, and, while they’re always good for a chuckle, maybe your real-life in-laws are not so funny. Whether it’s your spouse’s parents or siblings, there’s no question as to the impact in-laws can have on a marriage—for the good or for the bad.

The Research

While in-laws can be a wonderful source of support and love, many couples find that in-laws are the greatest source of conflict in their marriage. Truly, acrimonious relationships—or relationships that are viewed as tight by one partner and problematic by the other—can and do lead to divorce—particularly when it’s the wife’s family that is causing difficulties. In fact, when couples lack a consensus on in-laws, research indicates that it clearly leads to greater levels of discord than other types of disagreement.

How In-laws can be a Source of Conflict 

There are myriad issues that can arise related to in-laws.  Some of the most common include:

• When they tend to be into your business, offering criticisms, disrespecting your decisions and goals, and generally trying to get you to do things their way;
• When one spouse leans on their family to an extent that bothers the other spouse, whether that dependence is financial, emotional, or otherwise;
• When couples are not unified in creating the boundaries they need;
• When one spouse refuses to control misbehaving family members and expect their spouse to tolerate the intolerable;
• When one or both spouses report back to family members, keeping them in the loop relating to marital spats and so forth, ignoring the need for privacy in the marriage;
• When a spouse sides with their family over their spouse in times of conflict.

Each of these issues can manifest in many ways, but the outcome is the same: feelings of betrayal, isolation, and abandonment.

Are There Bigger Issues?

The truth is, although in-laws can stir the pot, couples who are prey to such disruptions commonly have other underlying problems in their relationship. In particular, they may have difficulty identifying as a unit, or communicating needs, wants, and expectations. There may be insecurities about the strength of marriage in general. It’s essential for partners to have a certain degree of interdependence in their relationship, and for them to prioritize themselves as both individuals and as a team. Short of that, external factors will always have the potential to divide and conquer any relationship.

For Whatever Reason, it’s just not Working

Whether your in-laws are the problem or just the symptom that showed you that your marriage is in trouble, if you’re ready to divorce, the experienced Springfield divorce attorneys at Courtney & Mills can help. We always endeavor to achieve the best possible outcomes for you. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.

Source:

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8133523/