The Aftermath of Infidelity and Divorce

When one person has an affair and a couple decides the only thing to do is split up, there are emotional costs on all sides! Don’t fool yourself into thinking that anyone gets off easily in these situations.

The Deceived 

For the person who was deceived in their marriage by a cheating partner, the emotional trauma is easy to spot:

• Moving on poses the difficulty of dealing with trust issues. How can you believe in the possibility of a forever love when everything has blown up in your face?
• Negativity can spread through your life. Throw out the rose-colored glasses–suddenly you may start seeing everything through a gray lens. If you can’t trust the person you married, who can you trust? And by the way, things everywhere seem harder, meaner, and just plain unpleasant.
• The feelings that come with a betrayal are impossible to dodge, and all kinds of things can trigger a rush of emotions at the most inopportune times.
• Reluctance to open up can be a real issue. While you may meet people who seem like a good fit, letting someone see the real you may feel like too big a risk to take.
• If you do get to the point where a new relationship seems possible, be prepared for jealousy to pop up when you least expect it. While understandable in the aftermath of what you’ve been through, it’s never productive.

The Deceiver 

Things aren’t so rosy for the person who had the affair post-divorce, either. Repercussions come in ways you might not anticipate:

• In dealing with an ex who feels wounded and bitter after your betrayal, guilt can put you in a corner. If your former spouse struggles financially, for example, you may feel you have no choice but to help out, since you feel you caused the problems your ex now has to live with.
• It’s not uncommon for a betrayed spouse to let their anger impact the relationship you have with your children. Unfortunately, that could mean the kids are used as pawns to try to get even with you for inflicting pain on an ex. Even if nothing is ever said directly, kids will be affected by the aching heart they see in a suffering parent. Older children who know about an affair may blame you for the family falling apart.
• Speaking of blame—friends and family may flock to your ex and leave you out in the cold. It can be lonely navigating the future without your old crowd.

Nothing’s Easy About Divorce

To be sure, divorce is tough. That’s not to say the challenges are unmanageable, though. Time and effort can generally help.  At Courtney & Mills, our experienced Springfield family lawyers understand what you’re going through and are dedicated to making your divorce as painless as possible.  To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.