Did Love Bombing Get You into a Bad Marriage?

 The beginning of your relationship with your spouse was magical. You were showered with compliments and gifts, and your lover was always available to fulfill your every desire. They quickly elevated you as their soulmate and eagerly demonstrated their love in lavish and public ways. You simply couldn’t resist when they quickly insisted on a committed relationship, and you enjoyed a relatively quick engagement—and then wedding day– because neither of you could imagine living without the other. But then things changed.

Love Bombing 

It sounds as though you may have been a victim of love bombing—a comprehensive and intense showering of attention that ultimately turns into disappointment and manipulation. Symptoms of love bombing typically include one or more of the following characteristics:

• Sweeping you off your feet;
• Declaring love very early in the relationship;
• Getting you to let down walls early;
• Flattery of an extreme nature;
• Giving expensive gifts on a regular basis;
• Divulging very personal matters early on;
• Expecting you to share secrets and personal problems before you are ready;
• Being underfoot constantly through text, calls, and other communications;
• Becoming angry if you don’t respond to them quickly enough;
• Making you feel guilty when you do other things or your focus is elsewhere;
• Wanting you all to themselves;
• Reminding you of how much they do for you;
• Getting even with you for perceived slights by engaging in bad behavior;
• Requiring continuous encouragement and validation;
• Making self-deprecating remarks with the expectation that you will provide reassurance;
• Using the silent treatment to teach you a lesson when you disappoint them;
• Becoming cold and withdrawn and blaming you for not being committed enough;
• Highlighting your flaws after previously considering you pure perfection;
• Gaslighting—turning things around so you’re the bad guy when they do something wrong;
• Apologies for bad behavior that focus on getting back to the way things used to be—called retrospective trauma bonding;
• Becoming increasingly jealous;
• Becoming verbally intimidating;
• Engaging in physical abuse.

Taking Stock of the Situation 

If any of this feels uncomfortably familiar, it may be time to engage in an inventory of your situation.  Consider the following:

• Ways in which your life has changed with this relationship;
• Ways in which you spend your time now compared with before this relationship;
• People you’ve lost touch with as a result of this relationship;
• Whether you and your partner share the same goals in life;
• Whether you and your partner have reasonable expectations of one another.

Maybe it Just Doesn’t Work 

If you believe that this marriage just isn’t working for you, divorce may be the best next step. The dedicated, experienced Springfield divorce attorneys at Courtney & Mills can help you through the process, always working for the best possible outcomes for you. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.